As a Beggar before the King!

As a beggar I come before you my King.


Risking destruction to beg for mercy but, welcoming death if mercy is not granted. My mind is at war with my soul and I am blinded by the battle that rages inside. I can no longer grasp Your purpose for my life. My only desire is to serve You; my life means nothing outside of this. If I can not see Your purpose then I will have none. Lord please reveal Your Self in me. Without Your sustaining hand I do not have the strength to carry on.

I have nothing of value to offer You in return. All that I have is ruin. You hold the only thing that matters. I pray to be consumed by You. Please Lord take me and make me your own. Only you can save me. Only you would care. If you will not, then curse the day I was born and blot my name from history. Remove the void that is my life, may the memory of my existence be erased forever from Your mind, for All of life has no meaning without you. My life has no excuse without your pardon. My guilt stands before me and it is more than I can bear.

I came to plant a garden, but sorrow is the seed I've sown. I tilled the soil to produce a bountiful harvest and stole the fruit of those who came with me. I nurtured a crop to build a better tomorrow, but destruction is the weed I grew. I have spent the tomorrow of those around me and laid to waste the dreams of those that followed. Wages of despair is what I have paid to those that have labored with me; there is nothing more I can give.

My final hope is that the destruction I have sown would over take me and spare those that I love. My heart can't bear to see the wasteland I have created; I fall to my knees and cry out for death to find me. My dreams have gone to sleep forever; I have no room left to hide my tears. I know not yet the sin I have brought upon those nearest me, but I know it is mine not theirs, turn your wrath to me I pray, please spare those that I love. I yearn for Your discipline and for the release of those who are trapped in my punishment.

This world holds nothing for me, turn the lights off... I want to go home.