Pinto vs. Ferrari

Home Alone Day 2:

Well, my wife and children are about half way to Florida… my kids have sent me several text messages and made a few phone calls to inform me of their progress. One text message in particular from my youngest son (he’s nine) just tore at my heart. I sent him a message that said; “I missed him” and he replied that he missed me too, but that he will always be in my heart and that he would never leave me… I sent back that he was making me cry tears of happiness and he replied with; “Be strong dad, I did not mean to make you cry”. He is the sweetest little guy in the world, as are all of my children.

I woke up to about five inches of snow in the driveway, which kind of puts a damper on any prospects for work today. If this weather keeps up it will really make me regret not to have gone with my family. There is a fair amount of busy work that I can do, but I was planning on doing this in the evenings instead of when I can be out during the day… Although this may be God’s way of telling me to take the time to do what I have intended, and spend some extended alone time with Him.

I miss the closeness to Him that it seemed I had just a few years ago. I have heard it said that if you don’t feel close to God anymore, He’s not the one who moved. I know haven’t moved, but I have allowed the cares of this world to invade the time I have with Him. I often feel isolated from Him. It’s as if I have been placed alone in a pressure cooker with an ever increasing amount of heat and pressure being applied to either make me stronger or continue rising until it breaks me. Each time I feel like I am at the end of what I can withstand, this little voice says… “Stop it! You know that you’re no where near the end of your rope.” God has continually demonstrated His faithfulness to His word, by being in just the right place at just the right time to rescue me from disaster. I have been on the stove so long that I can’t even begin to tell you when it was that I didn’t feel the weight of circumstance hanging over me. I often get this crazy feeling that I am destined for this. Not because of something I have done wrong… but because He is shaping me to be His voice of clarity in these last days. A voice that can speak not from what I have been told but what I have learned first hand. To boldly proclaim to others His Faithfulness to us in meeting our needs during these days of a crumbling economy and disaster that is sweeping our world. I often wonder and sometimes feel that we really are the last generation. That, WE will be the ones to see the world disintegrate into chaos and be the ones to see on a global scale what was prophesied come to pass.

Revelation 6:6:Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!"

I know He is there… I know He loves me… and I know that what ever I am going through has been filtered through His loving hands to serve His purpose. So I don’t worry. I didn’t say that I like it… I said; “I don’t worry”. When you have walked long enough in the desert it sure gives you an appreciation for what Paul was saying in Philippians:

Philippians 1:21-26:
For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your joy in Christ Jesus will overflow on account of me.

It isn’t hard to begin hating this life in comparison to what we hope for.

In a song by: Shawn McDonald the song ‘Gravity’ contains these lyrics in the last verse.

I want to fly
Into the sky
Turn my back on this WHOLE world AND
Leave it all behind
This place is not my home
It's got nothing for me
Only leaves me with emptiness
And tears in my eyes

I think that sums up the whole of how I feel.

Jesus told us it was going to be hard… and for some it will be harder than for others. I gave up all that I am for Him a long time ago… I had thrown my life away and it was Jesus who decided to bring me back from the edge of the cliff. Now, I am here for Him and Him alone. I will do as He asks for as long as He asks, with all of my heart. And at the risk of sounding fatalistic (which I am not) I am ready to go home when He is ready to take me.

If we really believe what He has told us about heaven…then we all would have the same feelings, and to say otherwise shows that you don’t believe Him.

The Christian walk is like having two cars. The one you drive everyday is an old beater 1971 Ford Pinto. The one that you can’t drive yet is a brand new Ferrari Enzo that is waiting for you in the garage. If you really believed the Enzo was in the garage you would be counting down the days until you could swap the Pinto for the Ferrari. But if you weren’t quite so sure the Enzo existed then you would be far more inclined to hang on the Pinto for as long as you can. As for me, I am ready to begin racing up and down the streets of heaven in my new Ferrari as soon as God lets me. You can keep driving the Pinto and calling me crazy or fatalistic for wanting to make the trade, it doesn’t matter to me, I know what is waiting after this and what we have here pales in comparison to the reality of what we hope for.

But for now, I’ll keep driving my Pinto through desert with no A/C and windows that don’t roll down, until the day it quits running or he lets me trade up for a better running Pinto.

Remember: when you are in the desert, it is God who applies the pressure to squeeze out the moisture needed to quench the thirst of those He has placed around us.

Home Alone!

I am FREE… at least for the next week. And until I succumb to feelings of isolation and the longing for the embrace of my wife and children, I will enjoy it.

They left just a few minutes ago to go visit my in-laws in Florida for Christmas and to let the grandkids feel like Christmas break was more than just a few days off from school. I would have gone… but I have way too many obligations at work and… well to put it bluntly my in-laws would have preferred a different son-in-law. Don’t get me wrong they are great people and very gracious. They love their daughter and my children like there is no tomorrow, and they always make me feel welcome. But, behind it all, I know that deep down inside they really don’t like me and my presence is more tolerated than welcome.

Now that the house is mine for a week, I can crank up the stereo, and when I want to turn on the TV, the remote will be right where I left it and the house won’t be a disaster when I come home. I can drink right out of the milk jug and eat my dinner in the same pot I cooked it in. Not to mention that I can catch up on some work and other obligations without feeling the guilt of being home in time for supper… but, who am I kidding, I miss them even as I write this, and I pray that God sends a battalion of angels to protect them while they travel and that He brings them home in the same condition they left in.

But aside from the trivial aspects of being alone for a week, it will also allow for some extended one on one time with Jesus. It has been a tough couple of years, and the economy in the last few months has not made it look in easier and I've got a lot of pleading and tears to shed while I am with Him. I don’t get many times where I will be alone long enough to let the pent up emotions run free and still have time for my puffy reddened eyes to recover before another pair of innocent eyes gaze into mine and ask; “Daddy what’s wrong?”.

It’s not like there is anything wrong… not while God is in control. But I sure would like an easier hill to climb and time alone with Him will hopefully give me better insight on why things are like they are and what the heck I can do to make them better. And if at the end of the week I still have this row to hoe then so be it, He has His reasons and that’s good enough for me.

But while I have this week, I would ask that anyone who would read this would take a minute to pray for me and my family. Pray for me that I can get some clarity… and pray for my family that they would have an awesome time and be delivered home safely.

Thanks and God Bless.

Jim

Does He ever say my name?

We all strive for significance. Some seek significance through fame or position and others achieve significance as a professional athlete or by becoming rich. But the position you achieve in each and every one of these ways is fleeting at best. There are countless washed up actors, singers and athletes that at one time or another were on top of the world. Some one recently sent me a list of famous entrepreneurs, some were steel and coal magnets and financial managers like Charles Schwab, many on the list were highly recognizable names… it listed the achievements that had brought them a tremendous amount of significance. But each and every one of them died a penniless has-been.

Proverbs 23:5 Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.

There is only one person that we should try to impress… but He is not a person and He does not live here… and nothing we will ever do will really impress Him. But it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. This brings me to my original thought. Does He or did He ever say my name? It seems like an absurd thought, but when I was taking communion tonight it kind of floated through my mind… what if Jesus thought of me specifically… ‘Jim Fuller’, while He was dying on the cross. What if something I would do or have done in my life would have caused Him to smile as He died, to have given Him some form of comfort in thinking… as much as I do this for the world… I do it for Jim Fuller. Or maybe now while He reigns in heaven, He is having a discussion with one of His angels and He says to him; “did you see my servant Jim Fuller”!

I am a realist and I don’t really think that I am significant in any way like I am describing… but wouldn’t it be nice if we could be… but, can we? Even if it is in some small way! Can we do something so extraordinary… so significant that Jesus will rise from His throne to watch us.
The bible describes Jesus as seated at the right hand of God. But after Stephen made his speech to the Sanhedrin and they were preparing to stone him, Stephen said;

Acts 7:55-56 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. "Look," he said, "I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God."

Jesus actually stood up to receive Stephen. I can just see Jesus rising from His throne, and with angels all around Him saying to those present; “look at my servant Stephen as he comes to us”… but what about you and me? Can we ever hear; “look at my servant (insert your name)”. Can we ever do something so significant, so wonderful, that we garner God Almighty’s attention?

Do you ever think about this?

Do you try?

Do you even care?

It is the only significance that matters. To have Jesus peer down from heaven to look upon you and be proud of you. To have God almighty speak your name as He did Jobs. To matter to Him, in an up close and personal way. To have your name, be on His lips and His mind.

Job 1:8 Then the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."

Do you ever try and do anything to please God in such a way? When it is all said and done, the only thing that will matter… the only thing that will remain, are the moments you lived for Him in this way.

I pray that before I meet Him that I too can accomplish something that pleases God in such a way as this… to hear Him say as I come home; “well done thou good and faithful servant”!

Blackest Darkness

2 Peter 2:13,18 They will be paid back with harm for the harm they have done… These men are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them.


WOW, what a thought! As if the mental image of Hell wasn’t bad enough in and of it-self… God has set aside a place of “Blackest Darkness” for the worst of us.



Luke 12:46-48
The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.
"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.


The human fleshly side of me takes satisfaction in the thought of a darker place of torment. I want retribution for Satan and his minions that have come against me, and there are more than a few people in my life that I would like to see on the roster for one of these places.

Don’t get me wrong… I don’t ever dwell on the wrongs in my life. I don’t hold grudges or have a problem with forgiveness. If that is a gift the Holy Spirit gives us, then it is one that is assigned to me, (although it may be more a product of memory than saintly aspiration). I have taken to heart what God said…


Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.


However, I must admit that there is comfort in knowing that God has ascribed varying degrees of torment for those that have evaded a fitting punishment for the things they have done here on earth. I cringe when I hear of the light sentences given to rapist’s and child molesters, or those that have gotten off scot free because of some kind of technicality.

And then occasionally we see the adage “what comes around goes around” come to life when someone like OJ Simpson gets what he deserves after previously escaping from what he justly deserved.

It’s nice to see that God sometimes sets things straight while we are still here to see it.

The Despisers Watch

I began this walk at His call.
And just as he did 2000 years ago,
the Despiser watches and laughs.
Despair sits at my door, and I weep.
Ruin haunts my life and I hide.
Loss clouds my memories, and I try to forget.
The hope of a new tomorrow fades with each setting sun.
Those that are shackled to my existence ask WHY and I sit in silence.

Yet will I persevere!

The path before me is not of my choosing;
therefore I have not an answer to why… because I am given none.
I only know that I am told to wait,
for what I am unsure, but waiting is all I can do until I know to do otherwise.
He has His reasons, and I know He has a plan.
Of this I am certain.
I don't have to know what it is because He is the one that knows best.
So in obedience I wait, and when it is time... in obedience I will act.

And when I do, just as he did 2000 years ago the despiser will be consumed by his folly in the light of Gods glory and the plan He is bringing to fruition.

He never said it would be easy…
He only said it would be worth it.

And I believe Him!

Dark quiet season

What good is Your word; if I can't hear you speak?
Why give me Your light, if I can't see the way?
What use is Your sign, if I can't find its meaning?
I am hopelessly lost in this dark quiet season.

The Dark is so deep
I can't see the signs,
confusion and madness
that cloud up my mind,
In riotous silence,
in sounds so bright,
this dark quiet season
is piloting my life.

How can I journey where there's no where to travel?
How can I climb where there's no where to fall?
How can I try if I can't find the reason?
You have made me to live in this dark quiet season.

The Dark is so deep
I can't see the signs,
confusion and madness
that cloud up my mind,
In riotous silence,
in sounds so bright,
this dark quiet season
is piloting my life.

Your silence is deafening, I can't hear you speak
My darkness so bright, my eyes only weep
I’ll wait in this season no rescue in sight.
Until Jesus is here to show me his light.

The Dark is so deep
I can't see the signs,
confusion and madness
that cloud up my mind,
In riotous silence,
in sounds so bright,
this dark quiet season
is piloting my life.

In riotous silence,
in sounds so bright,
in this dark quiet season
Jesus is piloting my life.

© James Fuller 2006

Listen to the song here:
http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=5246854&q=hi

Learning to Walk

Recently I was reflecting on the similarities that seem to depict my walk with Jesus and the correlation it shares with the way we raise our kids.

I don’t know if it really reflects a strictly scriptural view, but it seems to be a good analogy to paint what I have experienced.

When I first began my walk with God, He was visible every where and in everything that I could see. If I had a question or needed reassurance…BAM! He was Johnny on the spot answering my questions and meeting my need in ways that would be considered miraculous. But as I have walked further down the road with Him it has changed dramatically. He is more real and still very much in my life, more so than when my walk first began and the communion I share with Him is much, much deeper. But, my experiences stretch me a lot farther than they previously did and it seems that He demands that I face more of my life in a rawer form. I still experience His protection and intervention as described in the Bible… but what I have to go through seems less filtered and tests my limits of endurance… and from this I grow!

If you think about how children come into our lives it is much the same. When they are first born they are virtually attached to us at the hip. We are there to meet their every need and demand without hesitation and they are never out of our site, even for a second. As they grow stronger we begin to test their limits and encourage independence. When they first begin to walk we guide them by holding their hands and walking with them gradually letting go and then encouraging them to walk to us on their own, but always there to catch them when they fall. And we still rarely if ever let them out of our sight. As they continue to grow we allow them to experience more and more independence, even to the point of letting them make mistakes or fail, but we are still always there to catch them when they fall… and from this they grow! Then finally our children become adults… no matter how old and how mature they become, we still see them as our children… and still we're always there when they need us, and always there to catch them when they fall…just like our heavenly father does for us.

Well maybe not ‘just like” He does, but we do our best.