Esau I have Hated

Malachi 1:3… but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his mountains into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals."

Maybe I am a descendent of Esau?

There are not many other things that make sense and provide an explanation for the last seven years of my life.

Malachi 1:4 They will be called the Wicked Land, a people always under the wrath of the LORD.

That is how I feel… always under the wrath of God.

Do you think there could be other people that God hates today, or maybe there are still descendents of Esau running around today for God to pick on? Why did God hate Esau anyway? Did Esau become the way he was because he was hated by God, or did God hate him because he would grow to become who he was? Maybe he was just destined to be born a pairah, relegated to be one of those people born to be hated.

Gods promise remains and I know I am saved… but I don’t feel much of the love.
I wonder if it is possible to be covered under the promises we have been given, while our existence is merely tolerated. I think about this because I have known people and have employed people that I didn’t really like but I tolerated them because they were either doing a good job or the reasons I disliked them were purely my own, and any ill will towards them was not warranted or deserved.

There are several instances in the Bible where God’s Spirit left someone, or He hardened their heart or deluded them so that He could make an example of them to serve His greater purpose.

1 Samuel 16:14 Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him.

Ezekiel 14:9 " 'And if the prophet is enticed to utter a prophecy, I the LORD have enticed that prophet, and I will stretch out my hand against him and destroy him from among my people Israel.

Isaiah 30:28 His breath is like a rushing torrent, rising up to the neck. He shakes the nations in the sieve of destruction; he places in the jaws of the peoples a bit that leads them astray.

2 Thessalonians 2:11 For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie

Exodus 9:12 But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart and he would not listen to Moses and Aaron, just as the LORD had said to Moses.

If He did it back then… what is there to say that He doesn’t still do it today; “The Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever”… why would this part of Him be any different?

In Saul’s life he was at one point acceptable to Him and blessed by Him (He made him King), even to the point of also becoming prophet.

1 Samuel 10:9-10 As Saul turned to leave Samuel, God changed Saul's heart, and all these signs were fulfilled that day. When they arrived at Gibeah, a procession of prophets met him; the Spirit of God came upon him in power, and he joined in their prophesying.

And then at some point Saul made some very prideful blunders and God left him and then tormented him.

1 Samuel 16:14 Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him.

What is there to say that this isn’t a practice that God continues today? In the same Bible that He declares His love for the world He proclaims His hatred for Esau… before the guy even gets a chance to take his first breath.

I have been very prideful in my life… I have committed some heinous sins in my life… I have shaken my fist at God and demanded an answer for His actions… all while I was His child. Maybe at some point He finally had enough of me! Maybe even now He has some far corner of heaven picked out for me to reside in so that He doesn’t have to be near me, while He keeps His promise of salvation to me. Or maybe my destiny is that of Saul’s. Maybe He has plans to send me delusions to lead me astray so that I can be His example of what not to do!

Most of my life growing up I was an outcast. I was picked on, excluded and tormented by my peers. I still vividly remember Valentines Day in 1st grade 40+ years ago. The teacher told us all to get up and distribute our valentines to the class. So I proudly got up and placed the valentine I had made the night before in the box of each of my classmates, and when I returned to my desk the only thing in my box was the valentine that the teacher had passed out. What made it worse is that it was some kind of conspiracy. When I sat down there was dead silence and the whole class was watching me, I could hear snickers and giggles from various parts of the room. I cried myself to sleep that night, and it became indelibly etched into my mind. I soon learned that for whatever reason I was just one of those people that nobody liked… It has been a part of my life off and on for as long as I can remember. It isn’t like every one hates me, just most people. I never dreamed that it could be something that would transcend the bounds of earth, and rise to infect those that see me in heaven. But as each day of my life has passed, especially those of the last seven years it has become obvious that something is not right. I realize that most if not all of what I have just written is extreme supposition… but what if… and if not then, WHY?

I don’t have the answer and I am tired of looking for one. So, maybe ‘what if’ is more of a possibility than just an idea.

Romans 9:13 Just as it is written: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

Just as it is written: “Others I loved, but Jim I hated”.

Romans 9:20-22 But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?
What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction?

… makes sense to me!

p.s. Don't call the men in white coats... I am just venting!